Tresorie – LAUGHTER THE BETTER PLACEBO [Laughter the better Placebo]

1. Did you catch all those fish, all by
yourself? “No, some worms helped me.”

2. Visitor to little girl; what will
you do when you are as big as your mother? Little girl: “Ill go on a
diet.”

3. The father of a young lawyer thought
that he would try to catch his son on a legal point. Waiting until the
clock struck he asked: “If I were to take a hammer and smash the
clock would I be arrested for killing time?” “Certainly
not,” the son answered. It would be self defence. The clock struck
first.

4. A man walked into a friends house
and said,” Hello Mable. And how is Jack?” “Oh,” she
replied, “Didnt you know he died a little time ago.”

“I am sorry to hear that. How did
it happen?”

“He went into the garden to pull
out a cabbage for dinner when he collapsed and died.”

“Oh dear” said the man.
“What did you do then?”

“Well,” she replied. What
could I do? I had to open a can of peas”.

5. “You know sweetheart,” the
dreamy eyed young man said, “since I met you, I cant eat, sleep, or
drink.”

“Why not”? “Because I am
broke.”

6. Teacher (in art gallery); “Can
anyone tell me why they hung that painting?” Student: “Because
they couldnt find the artist.”

7. Baby Sue: “Dad what has 50
legs; big blue eyes, on a stem and red body with green stripes?” Dad:
What is it? I give up.” Sue: I dont know either but it is crawling up
your collar right this minute.

8. The Headwaiter of an elegant
restaurant recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather
jacket approached him. “Hey man he said,” Where is the
bathroom?”

“Go down the hall and turn
left,” replied the headwaiter.” When you see the sign marked
“gentlemen,” pay no attention to it and go right inside.”

9. A businessman who needed millions of
dollars to which an important deal went to church to pray for the money.
By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for dollar 100 to pay an
urgent debt. The businessman took out his wallet and presses dollar 100
into the other mans hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.
The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed.” And now, Lord, that
I have your un-divided attention.”

10. After giving a woman full medical
examination, the doctor explained his prescription as he wrote it
out.” Take the green pill with a glass of water when you get up. Take
the blue pill with a glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to
bed, take the red pill with another glass of water . “Exactly what is
my problem, Doctor?” the woman asked.” You are not drinking
enough water”.